i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
