I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
