he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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