how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
