It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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