they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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