I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Randomize
