Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
