Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
