remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
