You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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