how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
