You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
