Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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