if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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