my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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