he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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