You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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