I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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