i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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