The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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