just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize