I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
