he shaved USA in his pubs
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
