So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
