I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
how does that bad decision feel?
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