Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
