Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
