Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
