the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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