I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
