i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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