White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
