God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
