I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
