What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
