I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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