Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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