he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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