True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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