she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
