Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Mom said you looked used
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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