He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
