i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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