oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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