just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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