Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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