Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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