I accidentally had phone sex last night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
don't judge my taste in strippers
I lost the right to judge tonight
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
