sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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