you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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